Memoir
As a young girl when I decided to tie the knot, I was mentally preparing myself to embrace not just my husband but his family, friends and much more. My mother’s words always used to ring in my ears — treat them as your own parents and I thought it would be easy. When I first met my father in law, I was so impressed by him, the way he engaged in a conversation with me, the way he made me feel at ease and the way he interacted with my parents. I developed a fondness towards him, he was very special to me. This was even before I got married, from the time I got engaged to the time I actually got married was when I interacted with him a lot.
I still remember my train journey with him from Bangalore to Chennai. He was travelling on office work and I was going to do my shopping at all the lovely “Pattu Sari” stores that Chennai has always been famous for. He spoke about so many topics — music, food, places of interest and then he did something really interesting…. he took out his note pad and drew the family tree. He told me that during the wedding there will be so many people and all of them will introduce themselves and I would look like a fish out of water, smiling with no clue as to who is who… so he decided to explain names and relationships through a family tree. It was so easy for me to understand and even though I did not get everything he explained, at least I got some idea. And more than anything, what an interesting way to spend the long 6 hours in Brindavan Express! He then got me the signature “tomato soup-e” and masala dosa from the vendors.
Another incident that crosses my mind was that unlike usual Tamil Iyer households, he invited me to stay with them before marriage for fifteen days along with my mother who had come for making arrangements, complete shopping. Those 15 days were golden…enjoying good food, going for walks at night, sitting in the garden enjoying the fresh breeze, the smell of fresh flowers in the garden and listening to stories from the past, family stories, stories about all the mischief my husband used to be up to as a child… what struck me the most was how well he used to communicate with everyone, how he used to gather information from everyone and how disciplined he was with respect to food, timing to office and most importantly the time he spent with his wife, us and his mother and father in law who lived with him as well. The attention he gave to his father in law who lived with them, the respect he gave and the love and care he showered was so unique given that most Tamil Iyer households in those days never entertained the wife’s family much.
There were many such incidents and then I got married… this relationship that I always wanted to nurture, grow and strengthen started to fall apart. There were many external sources, clash of thoughts, opinions and soon we grew apart but the mutual respect and love was deep rooted and till today it still stays.
Today, he is not with me physically, I just lost him yesterday… I still believe he is with me. I went into his home today, looked at all the photos of this handsome man when he was in his younger days and tears trickled down my cheeks. What is it that binds him and me? Definitely not that of a daughter in law and father in law as that relationship did not grow but there was something else that was stronger than any of these relationships society has set up for us. Something that makes me smile thinking of those lovely moments, something that brings tears to my eyes… I did not cry but every moment since yesterday has been a reflection, a looking back into all the good moments I shared with him, all the good things I learnt from him, all the lovely things he did to help so many around him and of course a deep respect for a man who loved his wife unconditionally and so truly.
Yes, indeed, this is my way of remembering him, paying my respects to him as I do not believe in rituals or religious ceremonies. This is my way of sharing my relationship with this man who I never loved because he was my father in law but something beyond my own comprehension and of course the world’s… As he is now on his journey to the heavenly abode which I understand might be the best place ever, I’d like to call out to him and say, “You meant a lot to me, you are and will be in my heart always!”
